FOR SALE: $30,000,000 - LUXURY COUTURE KULA CLOTH
This is the finest Kula that money can buy. Imagine wiping yourself with antimicrobial and non-absorbent Swarovski crystals, diamonds and gold. This Kula was woven with hand-shucked spider silk. The label is made with fabric that we trimmed off Marie Antoinette's dress at the Smithsonian when nobody was looking. Each Kula has summited Everest 14 times and smells permanently of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Within minutes of using this Kula, you will experience enlightenment as you transcend consciousness. Either that, or you may have scratched yourself with one of the diamonds.
We have a very limited run of these Kulas available and we only sell 1x per week, or as needed to fund our weekly spending on non-income generating projects that make people very happy.
To purchase this Kula, please send a message to email@example.com. This Kula includes concierge service and in-person delivery from our founder Anastasia. It also comes with a piece of Tiramisu, a gift card to Olive Garden and a bottle of Champagne that is not from the Champagne region of France. Corkage fee is extra.
10% off code that you received when we blatantly swindled you onto our mailing list is not valid for this purchase. No returns. Sold 'as is'.